The Mind Bender

What do you think of The Mind Bender? Unique, wouldn't you say?

It's great ... and yes UNIQUE!!!!

One thing... Your weakness is description (Like me)... Like in the second Episode...

Quote :

They appeared in the Place Alec Met Tina

You culd easily stretch that over 3 maybe 5 Lines.

Quote :

Alec is taken away to his fantasy world. His outfit changes into a different outfit of his own fantasy. He carries two swords that can link together. He ends up in a beautiful field surrounded by a forest. The grass is a blue-green. There is a crystal clear river near by. Then he saw her. A you girl about his own age with angel wings.

Could be a Bit better too.

And

Quote :

Alec: Because this world is just my fantasy. I can't live in a fantasy for the rest of my life. I feel better now. I'm going back.

It's just weired how he's been there for Two Seconds and suddenly Feels Better.


And other Stuff liek how Raymond who has only just appeared in a Strange New Fantasy World acts like he's been there hundreds of Times and knows theres something more to Zions Gates after he's been there for Two Seconds...

Sorry for all the Nit picking but it's a Great idea so don't waste it with lack of Description and Plot-hole-type-things.

Once again, Sorry but My opinion

Have to agree with Jimbob.

So you should... I know all.

Thank you for the advice. I'll try to work on that.

5/10 It has some potential but the dialogue and description are very simple... I might show you some of my work.